February 5

4:37pm

Have just finished destroying my kitchen in the name of education. My students have complained that we don’t do enough hands on activities (we do as many as I can! they’re expensive!), and since we are doing states of matter right now I thought I might as well show them Oobleck. Oobleck is a non-Newtonian fluid, which means it does not obey the normal laws of Physics. It is cheaply made using cornstarch and water, but for having only two ingredients it is messy as hell.

I was originally going to let my children make the Oobleck in the classroom. I was saved from this by a naptime vision of the bell ringing and my next class coming in to find mass anarchy and cornstarch everywhere. I decided to make the Oobleck myself. This decision has rendered my freshly purchased and non-returnable $30 dollars of measuring spoons and bowls effectively useless. I originally was going to make one big bowl of Oobleck, but then realized that, being a non-Newtonian fluid, scooping it out to distribute it would be quite difficult.

Therefore, I threw myself on the mercy of the Japanese women at my local sushi restaurant for takeout soup bowls. I spun them a sob story about the state of education in Brooklyn and wailed I would buy ten miso soups if I had to. They looked at me like I was insane and gave em to me for three bucks. A bargain.

This became my kitchen:

Oobleck assembly line.

Oobleck assembly line.

Then, The Cat sensed she was not the center of attention. She grew distressed. She emerged from her lair under Roomie’s bed and came to investigate.

Deceptively cute even when covered in cornstarch.

Deceptively cute even when covered in cornstarch.

Now, hours later, I have neatly assembled eight bowls of Oobleck, ready for my kids to wreak havoc with tomorrow. I actually wrote on the worksheet that they were not allowed to…

  • Eat the Oobleck
  • Put the Oobleck on another student’s hair or clothing
  • Put the Oobleck near another student’s hair or clothing
  • Throw the Oobleck
  • Rub the Oobleck on their faces
  • Put foreign objects into the Oobleck

I think I closed most of the more disastrous loopholes, but I have no doubt they will find whatever loopholes are left.


5:32pm

Have been cleaning up my kitchen and lost track of time. Have second date with Likes to Talk at 7:30. We are going to Chinatown for soup dumplings. Everybody who knows me finds the idea of me eating soup dumplings hilarious. I am extraordinarily clumsy and awkward and have never eaten such a thing but have heard they are large and messy and exactly what they sound like.

This picture comes from an article entitled "How to Eat a Soup Dumpling." The fact that this article exists is not reassuring.

This picture comes from an article entitled “How to Eat a Soup Dumpling.” The fact that this article exists is not reassuring.

It is basically a pocket of boiling water, what could go wrong? I really hope they aren’t spicy. I don’t do spicy.

Having lost track of time, I am now in the unpleasant but common-for-me situation of having to choose between dirty straight hair or clean curly hair. My hair does not curl nicely naturally and without a curling iron. It forms a halo of frizz around my head unless I put on enough gel, and then it is crunchy. I am polling my friends and kicking myself for not having time for clean straight hair which is obviously the best option.


5:58pm

Roomie said curly/clean but after I already got my head wet Sister finally texted back and said dirty/straight because boys don’t notice dirty hair. Emotional turmoil. Maybe the soup dumplings will distract him from my hair.

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February 4

10:11pm

I have disappeared from blogging for a week, as I knew I would. Today was the dreaded Quality Review at my school and for days I’ve thought of nothing else. This big event also happens to correspond with report card grades being due, so basically I haven’t had time to breathe, let alone blog.

The Quality Review appeared to go alright, though. At any rate, we will not fail and be closed, which is the worst case scenario I have been convinced is the truth for days. My work friends and I made bets on which of my coworkers would fake sick to get out of it, and I hate to say it was enough that we had to call in additional substitutes. Also, one of my coworkers wore jeans and another didn’t have a lesson plan to give in to the superintendent. Are you kidding me? I spent a week planning, bribed my students and wore control top tights (the biggest sacrifice, undoubtedly, especially due to recent slide into obesity. Still have lines on my hips). Anyway, I’m exhausted from all this drama.

I’ll properly write something in the next few days but I didn’t want to take a whole week off without touching this thing. This blog is not my first blog attempt, and I find that the longer you go without posting, the harder it is to motivate to come back. Anyone else agree?

In other news, 10 days till Miami. Officially dream body crunch time. All clean eating attempts thus far have failed miserably after half a day or whenever I saw a bag of Cheetos but now I am determined. There are no snacks in my apartment. When I want to eat I will drink an entire bottle of water and then do sit-ups until I am a fatigued puddle on the floor in a room that is not the kitchen.

Also, I must stop attempting to hold The Cat before I parade around South Beach in a swimsuit. My students have asked me why I have cuts and scratches all over my chest and forearms. I’m fine, kids, it’s just my cat is the antichrist.