- NO MORE SAM. That was a terrible relationship characterized by you doing everything for a boy who was usually completely indifferent to you. Even though you still love him, do not Facebook stalk or (god forbid) text him. Also, stop passive-aggressively posting pictures to social media showing how hot and fun you are. He knows what he’s missing, and your life really isn’t that exciting if you have time to put it all over your Snapchat story.
- Find out what you want to be when you grow up. Your current career (teaching) may not be what you want to do for the next 40 years. Find what will make you happy.
- Don’t let people treat you like shit. This includes boyfriends, co-workers, and “friends.” On this note, stop associating with people who you secretly cannot stand.
- Eat more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods. One handful of Cheez Its is usually enough!! Work out 2 times per week. Even though you are a size four, that does not mean your lifestyle is healthy.
- Take a social media break. Twitter is fine, but be careful on Facebook. Do not Facebook stalk. Do not use other people’s lives as a measuring stick for your own.
- Call family more often. Particularly grandparents.
- Hold head high and stand up straight. Don’t slouch when walking. You stare at your feet too much and your roomie says you look like a turtle.
- Look your best every day. Do not wear John’s boxers to the bodega with no bra. Do not wear pajamas in public.
- Do not chase boys. Let them chase you.
- Be confident. Be positive. Be optimistic. Be happy.
26 thoughts on “2015 Resolutions (and I mean it this time, damn it)”
May i just say good-luck, i would also like to thank you for dropping by to have a read.
Funny stuff. Keep writing.
Why nobody reads.
Love these resolutions! May I ask what you teach and how you got into teaching? Also, I agree that we should avoid using Facebook as a measure of our own success/other people’s success. Life and fulfillment mean so much more than just who can get the most likes or who can look the best in their profile picture.
I will try to follow in your footsteps about the fruits and vegetables, too. (:
Thanks for reading! I teach middle school math and science. I got into it through an alternate certification program, which means I did not major in education but since I am working on a masters in education I am eligible to teach. Are you interested in going into education?
I absolutely love the first one 😉 I have very similar resolutions!
Haha! Yes! Stop associating with people you secretly can’t stand! That one made me giggle out loud! I love it! These all seem GREAT! How you doing on them?
and p.s. thanks for following my blog. 🙂
Ha, I’m doing alright. I’m at maybe 50% resolution obedience. I still wear pajamas in public and binge eat junk food but at least I’ve called my grandparents every week!
haha! yes, that’s something good to do! good for you!
These are good! And I totally agree that you should never compare yourself to people on Facebook. I’m sorry, but the people who feel the need to flaunt their perfect lives on social media are usually the most miserable. I’m not buying it. Good luck with keeping your resolutions!
Thanks Cynthia! I agree… the people that post the most are not necessarily the happiest. My problem was more along the lines of obsessively stalking frenemies, but I’ve been much better about that lately!!
101% agreed. Facebook flaunts are the biggest challenges facing humanity.
Too bad about #8. I’d like to have seen you that day at the bodega. I would have taken a picture for my photoblog. 😉
Thanks for following Humorous Interludes. Welcome aboard. Please find a seat as quickly as possible. This is a fully booked flight and we’d like to take off on time for once. 🙂
Thanks for visiting my blog, reading and liking it.
You have a wicked sense of humor. Keep going.
Our laboratory has found and imported it from New Zealand.
These are actually very different and super interesting resolutions! Thank you for following my blog, if only it was because I got to read yours. Hope your resolutions are going well!
Thank you so much! I appreciate that!
Hi Allie — thanks for finding and following my blog; now I have found YOU as well.
Fab blog Allie! Thanks so much for stopping by & following – always great meeting new bloggers to keep up with… looking forward to reading all your future posts 🙂 Karen X
Thanks so much for reading!! 🙂
So welcome 🙂 X
Thank you for reading my blog. I like yours. I can imagine living in New York is like a Big World. My cousin got her degree in theater here in Texas and went out to New York to make connections. She was making plans to stay for a long time on day one. In two weeks she was ready to go home. She made some life-long friends but oddly enough she ran into a fellow actor and actress from this area by chance. She is working on a Kick-Starter movie called Chance Malloy.
I nominated you for the Liebster award!! https://beautyoverthebeast.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/tag-the-liebster-award/
just found your blog today and love it! I read a bunch of it and you are so funny. It’s making my day a bit brighter:) Keep up the awesome work!
Thank you so much! That is so sweet of you to say. On my way to check out yours now! 🙂
Love this post! And thank you for following 😀